The John Adams Society
Christopher T. Wolff
Jason D. Hoffman
G. Larry Colson Jr.
“Deacon, do you realize you have just stranded one of Europe's greatest leaders in San Dimas?”
-- Theodore “Ted” Logan, “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure”
CALIFORNIA DREAMING OF NATIONHOOD. In California, Donald Trump received less than one-third of ballots cast in the most recent election. Similar to other deep blue states, there are pockets of conservatism, but the great majority of the coastal masses are firm believers in progressive policies. Were California to be a country its economy would be the sixth largest in the world. As the realities of a pending Trump administration start to sink in, some voices on the left coast have called to remove California from the situation entirely. Why must it be shackled to the red state masses who simply want to stand in the way of progress? Wouldn’t a peaceful separation be best? Forget building a wall, Californians want, nay demand, a taco truck on every corner. Combined with marginal tax rates above 90%, a ministry of bureaucratic administration, 50 years of unemployment benefits, and a justice system that is "social", the nation of California will be poised for utopia.
Red state dwellers should also cheer. If we can’t get Hollywood actors to actually follow through and move to Canada, giving them their own country is certainly the next best alternative. In fact, potentially including New York and Illinois in the exit package would go a long way toward ensuring a GOP lead new nation for years to come; it would also be far easier than the hard work of adapting a message to changing demographics or inspiring conviction in the cause of conservatism through education and persuasion of the population on an intellectual level.
ON THE OTHER HAND, as a nation aren’t we stronger together? Trade deals and all matter of treaties would need to be re-negotiated and what of the national debt? How will the GOP pay for the military and their favored big government programs when California actually pays billions more in federal taxes than it receives back? Furthermore, the civil war decided once and for all that states don’t have the right to leave the union more than 150 years ago. In fact, despite their hippy rhetoric, we all know that talk of succession would be inherently racist, sexist and xenophobic and only a neo-confederate would dare suggest such a thing. Like a broken marriage, the red and the blue states simply must stick it out with each other for the sake of the children and maybe one day will learn to love each other again.
THE CHAIRMAN, anxious about the validity of his passport, has called a debate to settle to topic:
RESOLVED: Calexit, Calexcellant!
The Debate will be held on Wednesday, December 7, 2016, at the University Club, 420 Summit Avenue, in Saint Paul. The Chancellor will preside over drinks beginning at seven o’clock p.m. The debate will begin at half past seven. There is no dress code, however gentlemen who wish to speak must wear a tie; ladies are encourage to adhere to a similar sartorial standard. For those gentlemen arriving sans tie yet wishing to discourse on the resolution, the Purveyor of Ties will keep on hand several remarkable selections. Questions regarding debate caucus procedures of about the John Adams Society itself may be directed to the Chairman at (651) 494-9008 or the Secretary at (651) 245-6991.